June 21st, 2012

You've RUINED CHRISTMAS by cybertardis

the ann and john show, episode thursday

john: do you think angry birds is actually anti-martian police officer?

me: Um...the hell are you talking about? Oh, the green pigs?

john: yes

me: Ah.I think it merely seeks to express the eternal conflict between bird and pig in a miniature format. A microcosm of the greater macrocosm, as it were. Much in the same way Wacky Races depicted the neverending race of evolution, a race that can never be won, yet is mandatory for all life. Or the way that Yogi Bear depicts the societal stresses that occur when authority defends the privileged class against those who have little legal means of obtaining necessary resources.

john: I thought Yogi just really liked picnic baskets

me: John. John. You've got to look for the bigger picture.

john: :( this philosophy is too deep for a hamster

me: You're gonna need more college if you really want to learn how to lay on the bullshit, son. Consider Rudolph, and its depiction of 20th-Century American masculinity. Donner and cohorts are depicted as the elite, but when it comes down to it, do they really have agency? They compete for a place in harness!

john: maybe it's a bondage thing

me: All right. Rudolph as a sexual text, then. The male reindeer see themselves as wholesome family men. But their real purpose is to be lashed together, 'pulling the train' for Santa. Their deepest, most important bonds are with one another, not their mates. But if one suggested such a thing, they would be horrified -- even murderous.

john: !!

me: Think of them as a pro football team.

john: ohhh

me: All their work time spent in intimate contact. Their off time concerned with demonstrating their heteronormative masculinity. To the point where society covertly endorses their acts of violence, especially those against women. Their personal power is harnessed and therefore acceptable. Though none of the reindeer will ever be allowed an administrative role, and reindeer who actively demonstrate awareness or difference are shunned and scapegoated. Santa is always in charge, John.

john: the man in red

me: The man.