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tales of interest you guys box with numbers in inflammation the panda won't stop screaming backwards backwards frontwards frontwards
fic post: June 30th (hot fuzz and doctor who) - Thanks, ants.
Thants.
annlarimer
annlarimer
fic post: June 30th (hot fuzz and doctor who)
Flavogg heard 57 supplications or speak to the Mighty Flavogg
Comments
dr_tectonic From: dr_tectonic Date: May 14th, 2008 10:44 pm (UTC) (linkage)
Here's the only suggestions I can think of:

1) You've got Mrs. without a period almost everywhere, but one or two spots with.

2) I didn't notice it until the second reading, but the second section is in present tense. I like the telegraphic writing, but I think it would work as well in past tense and would fit just a smidge better to have it in past tense like the rest of the story.

3) I'd specify *Roman* legionary, just to set the scene a little more explicitly. (At first I thought that maybe "Dennis Waterman" was the Doctor messing up "Danny Butterman" and that he had both of them with him, but that's really just my own cultural illiteracy showing...)

4) I believe the thing Angel hits his head on is a "finial", not a "filial".

5) This story has not been published in a handsome leather binding along with the rest of your fuzzfic and 280 pages of other equally awesome stories.

You, madam, RAWK. \mm/
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: May 15th, 2008 01:56 pm (UTC) (linkage)
Concrit! Thank you! I love you! Y'know, all platonically an' shit, don't let Mr. Dr. Tectonic fly into one of his jealous rages even though it's kind of hot. Okay, really hot.

1) Mrs Upholder is post-menopausal. >.>

2) I kept going back and forth over what tense to use for this bit. In the end it just seems to flow better for me in the present. But with a few days' distance, I'll give it a look again.

3) Oh, spoil my fun. All right.

4) Son of a BITCH. Thank you. I will fix it.

5) I can't get a supplier for cerise cruelty-free leather (it's made from squirrels who've been hit by cars - a single volume can take up to 30 squirrels). Nothing less will do.

6) LOVE SIR.
dr_tectonic From: dr_tectonic Date: May 15th, 2008 02:14 pm (UTC) (linkage)
don't let Mr. Dr. Tectonic fly into one of his jealous rages even though it's kind of hot. Okay, really hot
Hee hee! Which one, Kung Fu Monkey, I presume? I'll tell him that. Wait, no, what the hell am I thinking? That'll just encourage him!

1) *snerk*

2) Well, as I said, I didn't even notice until the second reading, so you may well be right about that.

5) *hops in car, guns engine* C'mon, ya little furry fuckers, where are ya? We need us some bookbindings!

6) Back atcha! :D
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: May 15th, 2008 03:46 pm (UTC) (linkage)
I just picture with an elite cadre of highly-trained, deadly manwives willing to die on your order. They wear those scary glowing green goggles. Of course, I pretty much picture the whole world like that. Did I remember my pills last night? OH GOD THE MOTHS!
dr_tectonic From: dr_tectonic Date: May 15th, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC) (linkage)
Bwa-ha!

Is two enough for a cadre?

Highly-trained and deadly, I will grant -- but I am going to steer clear of ever using the word "manwife" in their presence. KFM would kick my ass and Saint Pookie would make me sleep on the couch for a year.

Worse, one of them might use it on me...

P.S.: I am going to have to see whether I can convince them that "OH GOD THE MOTHS!" is a good code-phrase to use instead of boring old "Have you taken your pills?"
Flavogg heard 57 supplications or speak to the Mighty Flavogg