Log in

No account? Create an account
tales of interest you guys box with numbers in inflammation the panda won't stop screaming backwards backwards frontwards frontwards
fic post - Garth Marenghi's "Prelude to More Revenge of a Sith" - Thanks, ants.
fic post - Garth Marenghi's "Prelude to More Revenge of a Sith"
TITLE: Garth Marenghi's "Prelude to More Revenge of a Sith"
FANDOM: The Star Wars universe. Though I think calling it a 'fandom' is in many ways demeaning to George Lucas' vision. 'Imaginarium' might be a better term, or 'shared dreamworld.'
AUTHOR: annlarimer Garth Marenghi
WORD COUNT: I make every word count.
WARNINGS: The level of quality of this 'fanfic' may be more than you are used to.
SUMMARY: "Garth Vader stood over the sink of his small bachelor apartment, eating a Pot Noodle." The beginning of a classic, multi-part epic.
NOTES: Feedback is welcome, as long as you're not one of those petty, sad little freaks obsessed with "spelling" and "grammar" and "structure."
DISCLAIMER: Star Wars is the great George Lucas' gift to the world. Here is my gift to him, to it...and to you, brave traveller.

Garth Marenghi's "Prelude to More Revenge of a Sith"

Garth Vader stood over the sink of his small bachelor apartment, eating a Pot Noodle.

How had it come to this? he wondered. He missed Pamedala and the twins, even though the twins were both girls, Pamedala never having given him the son that he'd wanted so badly. He missed their small, unassuming Coruscant penthouse. Not for its considerable luxury (and it was considerable), for Jedi enlightenment had put him well beyond that sort of petty materialism, even though it was his by natural right, but because it had always been their home, even though the lease was in her name.

He crushed the styrofoam pot with a vise-like hand.

He looked down at his hand. He really would have to go back in and get proper fingers attached. But what with moving out and having to hire a temp to do his day to day admin, he'd had little time for a proper cybernetic refitting. He even still smelled faintly of lava -- a natural, masculine scent, suitable to a man of his muscular strength and animal magnetism.

The medical droids had whined and simpered about "evil" and "madness" and "improperly-fitted brain gaskets," but Vader knew better. He knew better than everyone. He had become so powerful, so enlightened, that he had learned to see beyond petty notions of 'good' and 'evil,' learned that the dark and light sides of the Force were one and the same to a gifted visionary such as himself. It had driven the rest of the Jedi mad with jealousy.

He flipped down his helmet's faceplate, and threw the pot into the trashcyclinator unit.

Surely Pamedala knew that he had done everything for her. The genocide, the child-murder (not his own children, obviously -- he had no problem deciding who lived and who died, but he wasn't an idiot, and female issue was better than none at all), the betrayals, the force-chokings, the systematic annihilation of the Jedi, their support staff, and their parking attendants, the public executions, the lava surfing -- he had done it all for her. He loved her more than any Sith had ever loved a woman. Even while he had force-choked her, he loved her. Maybe he loved her the most when he was force-choking her. The helpless look in her eyes as she had gone blue reminded him of a baby Twi'lek.

She was the only woman he had ever loved, or even slept with. And she had betrayed him, calling security services to escort him out, waving her fancy holographic order of restraint under the bit of helmet where his nose had once been.

Well. The hell with her. He didn't need her. Once he'd destroyed enough planetary systems and their occupants, she'd be begging him to take her back. Instead of screaming in terror at the sight of him, the twins would greet him at the door with masks made from crudely scrawled paper plates and aluminum foil. They would be kind of pathetic-looking masks, of course, but Garth would be kind enough to show the girls how to make proper ones. As the fruit of his not inconsiderable loins, surely they had inhereted something resembling competence, and would be fit enough, perhaps with the help of their husbands, to guard his legacy once he'd passed on.

Smiling to himself inside his mask, he took a beer from the fridge. And a straw.

Tags: , , , ,
mood: accomplished accomplished

Flavogg heard 32 supplications or speak to the Mighty Flavogg
(Deleted comment)
fictionbya From: fictionbya Date: June 24th, 2008 02:42 am (UTC) (linkage)

There are no words...
black_minorca From: black_minorca Date: June 24th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC) (linkage)


dr_tectonic From: dr_tectonic Date: June 24th, 2008 02:51 am (UTC) (linkage)

The goggles, they do nothing

"Oh, dear God, NO! the monkey cried. No, no, no!"

Indeed it does burn, Jim, indeed it does. I can summarize my reaction thusly: *ow* *ha!* *ow* *ha!*

So, um, good job, I guess?

I really like the trashcyclinator unit. *snerk*
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: June 24th, 2008 02:59 am (UTC) (linkage)

I fail at futurism.

I should have made it an atomic trashcyclinator unit. With an iris opening.
sorchar From: sorchar Date: June 24th, 2008 02:55 am (UTC) (linkage)
You are a genius.
From: kirbyfest Date: June 24th, 2008 03:01 am (UTC) (linkage)
violetisblue From: violetisblue Date: June 24th, 2008 03:20 am (UTC) (linkage)
...they would not publish this or put it on the air now. They would not do it.
tawg From: tawg Date: June 24th, 2008 08:29 am (UTC) (linkage)
This was a strange kind of beautiful. The existence of a community implies more - shall there be? The lols were too great for there not to be.

annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: June 24th, 2008 01:09 pm (UTC) (linkage)
I certainly hope so.
edithmatilda From: edithmatilda Date: June 24th, 2008 10:15 am (UTC) (linkage)
The cat is looking at me funny because of the cackling. I wish there were humans here to be forced to read this.
edithmatilda From: edithmatilda Date: June 24th, 2008 10:16 am (UTC) (linkage)
Forced in the sense of "you want me to read fanfiction?" not "this specific one is not good", obv. I may have made that dreadfully unclear.
nitasee From: nitasee Date: June 24th, 2008 02:42 pm (UTC) (linkage)
The straw was a touch of pure genius. I am in awe of your awesomeness.
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: June 24th, 2008 02:43 pm (UTC) (linkage)
Well, I'd already had him put his face plate down. It was easier to just give him a straw.
ionlylurkhere From: ionlylurkhere Date: June 24th, 2008 05:23 pm (UTC) (linkage)
rishabree From: rishabree Date: June 25th, 2008 12:15 am (UTC) (linkage)
Oh, that was beautiful. "smelled faintly of lava"
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: June 25th, 2008 07:05 pm (UTC) (linkage)
I have never been in a surfing lava fight, but I know what it would be like; I just know I'd think the smell would stick with you. Not unlike the way the neighborhood always smells like Fourth of July until the next good rain.
cazrolime From: cazrolime Date: June 29th, 2008 05:37 pm (UTC) (linkage)
That was a thing of beauty.
roachpatrol From: roachpatrol Date: March 5th, 2009 05:46 am (UTC) (linkage)
Oh my god, I love Garth Marenghi. This is spot on, and I love it.
roachpatrol From: roachpatrol Date: March 5th, 2009 05:48 am (UTC) (linkage)
P.S I have also died inside because I will never be able to write anything near as good in my entire life. But I will soldier on, if only to read more fics.
Flavogg heard 32 supplications or speak to the Mighty Flavogg