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tales of interest you guys box with numbers in inflammation the panda won't stop screaming backwards backwards frontwards frontwards
I locked myself out of my house. "Ann," you say, "I thought you had… - Thanks, ants.
I locked myself out of my house.

"Ann," you say, "I thought you had all those extra keys made so that would never happen again!"

Why yes, yes, I did. They're all accessible and functioning. But the screen door is a different thing -- a steel affair with a big grille, designed so that all the window bits and door edges angle inward, so you can't open it with a credit card or a piece of metal. It is, in fact, a really good door. Except that when I took my bag out to the car this morning, I did something to the latch that made it lock when I closed it.

Huh, I thought, and stared at the door stupidly.

I twisted the knob a lot.

I wiggled it around, hoping to knock the latch back into place.

I whocked it.

I tried kicking.

Locksmith, I thought.

But the phone book is in the house. There's a teeny car phonebook that just arrived, but it's...still in the house. I could drive to work and call from there, but my money and I.D. are still in the house, and this would be the one day I get pulled over by the police for having a funny-looking car.

The neighbors have already gone to work, so I walk to the BP station. There's no phonebook. I ask to borrow one inside. "Sure. What's the problem?" "Oh, I got locked out of m--" "O HAY WE GOT A GUY HERE'S A CARD!" She hands me a business card and a phone. "Oh. Thank you. Um...is he up yet, do you think? Also I don't know how this phone works." She shows me which button to push.

"Lock guy, can you help me? Blah blah steel door I'm an idiot."
"I...I'm not actually sure. Blah blah lock?"
"Blah blah really good door..."
"Meh. Blah have a look blah where?"
"My house blah blah directions blah gotta walk back blah."

It suddenly occurs to me, as I type this, that I could easily have driven to the BP station and saved myself a good freezing. Damn. I even got into the car to fish out change.

So I buy a cup of coffee in the handy Jamaican Me Crazy! flavor, and walk back to the house.

Lock guy turns up a minute or two after I get there. "Is it the front?"
"No, I know how to open the front screen. But the inside door is locked, with a deadbolt."
We go to the back door. "Blah blah keys? No keyhole blah. Let me piece of thin metal blah."
"Blah blah really good door grill come off?"
"No. Blah piece of thin metal blah blah shake the door."
"Blah. It's a really good door. Hinges?"
"I'm afraid blah. Let's do the middle one first and see if it wobbles enough to blah."
"Blah. Wobble wobble really good door!"
"Is what I'm blah."
"Okay take hinges off blah do it this way so blah blah blah."

So he does, and gets the door open, and we kajigger the latch thingie and it works, and he puts the door back on and we kajigger the latch thingie some more and it's cool. I get my checkbook.

"Hang on, there's, only like 40,000 pens in the house, and...none of them are here. That's a white pencil. That's a propelling pencil...ooo, that's chalk. Hang on." I wander into the living room and start going through drawers. "Japanese brush pens! Pencil! Son of a -- oh here." I wander back in. "It's a neon green Kung Fu Panda gel pen. Is green okay?"

So I wrote him a check for a very reasonable $19. Then I went in the house and threw up.

Now I can't get warm.

mood: cold cold

Flavogg heard 34 supplications or speak to the Mighty Flavogg
goddessdster From: goddessdster Date: January 6th, 2009 05:01 pm (UTC) (linkage)
You have amazing language skills.
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 6th, 2009 05:05 pm (UTC) (linkage)

Where are my pens?
nitasee From: nitasee Date: January 6th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC) (linkage)
*pat, pat*

The day can only get better, pet.
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:23 pm (UTC) (linkage)
You lie. You LIE!
tikistitch From: tikistitch Date: January 6th, 2009 05:20 pm (UTC) (linkage)
I did a really good one once: our basement door opens inward. And, the door sticks, so you need to either pull on the doorknob from the inside or kick it in from the outside to make it open. I pulled off the doorknob from the inside while it was locked, AND the screen door was locked from the outside. So, no way to push *or* pull. The lock guy said on the phone, "Ooooo, a CHALLENGE!" I love to make life interesting for locksmiths.
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:23 pm (UTC) (linkage)
"Ooooo, a CHALLENGE!"

:D And that was when you knew you'd be inside in no time.
irisbleufic From: irisbleufic Date: January 6th, 2009 05:21 pm (UTC) (linkage)
Life wouldn't be life if we didn't accrue at least one whopper of a lock-out story each *hugs* Some of us have more, in fact, and are not terribly proud of that fact.
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:24 pm (UTC) (linkage)
I have better ones, but I'm not sure they're tagged.
From: cageyklio Date: January 6th, 2009 05:22 pm (UTC) (linkage)
Dude. Go to bed.

(And wow, $19 was a steal)
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC) (linkage)
I tried, but it didn't work. I put on my big girl thunderpants and went to work.

(Inorite??? Last guy was $35, and he just popped it open with a lock gun.)

OMG Icon!
fiareynne From: fiareynne Date: January 6th, 2009 05:33 pm (UTC) (linkage)
I'm glad things... sort of worked out. Except for the vomit. Vomit always makes a bad day worse.
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:26 pm (UTC) (linkage)
Vomit is almost never good.
From: kivrin Date: January 6th, 2009 05:43 pm (UTC) (linkage)
Holy cannoli.

*gives you ginger ale. With whiskey in it.*
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:26 pm (UTC) (linkage)
dr_tectonic From: dr_tectonic Date: January 6th, 2009 06:15 pm (UTC) (linkage)
You should take comfort in knowing that at least your misadventures are comical in the recounting...

Hot shower to warm up! Oh, wait, you're probably at work, huh? Um. Microwave your socks?
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:27 pm (UTC) (linkage)
This is why I keep a Woody the Cowboy throw at my desk.
From: ashenmote Date: January 6th, 2009 06:18 pm (UTC) (linkage)
Good that your computer is doubtlessly inside your house so there had to be a sort of a happy end in sight. That knowledge enabled me to cope with the suspense.
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 6th, 2009 06:40 pm (UTC) (linkage)
teenygozer From: teenygozer Date: January 6th, 2009 07:02 pm (UTC) (linkage)

Middle-aged Woman (MW) to the rescue! *strikes pose*

My sympathies for your plight, but you handled it well!

When I'm to-the-bone cold, I either take a hot shower or, if there's no time for that, use a hand-held hairdryer on my scalp. There's a lotta blood vessels in the scalp and if you use a hairdryer (moving it around as if you're drying your hair), the warmth is carried all over your body. (This is also why your mom tells you to wear a hat in the winter, your head is basically shedding heat like crazy without one.)

annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:28 pm (UTC) (linkage)

Re: Middle-aged Woman (MW) to the rescue! *strikes pose*

*nods* I should've just put on my Christmas hat and left it for the day.
(no subject) - ex_londonso - Expand
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:29 pm (UTC) (linkage)
INORITE? And this guy, I think if he hadn't been able to get it open, he wouldn't have charged me at all. I wub him.
mordecai From: mordecai Date: January 6th, 2009 07:50 pm (UTC) (linkage)
jdhf AHAHAHAHAA that is awful!

OH GOD I LOCKED MYSELF OUT LAST MONTH and called one of my friends who knows his way around a lock -- he couldn't but eventually we got my keys, went upstairs, and ordered pizza. I go downstairs to get the pizza, pay the guy, am holding the pizza... then buzz my own apartment and a voice comes back with, "YOU FORGOT YOUR KEYS AGAIN?"

In conclusion, fuck... doors, man.
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:30 pm (UTC) (linkage)

On the other hand, you got pizza out of it.

Mmmm, pizza.
jume From: jume Date: January 6th, 2009 09:59 pm (UTC) (linkage)
one of those days, wasn't it
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:30 pm (UTC) (linkage)
random_nexus From: random_nexus Date: January 7th, 2009 12:34 am (UTC) (linkage)
Most of the read-through of your dilemma description I had my hand over my mouth - lawsy have I BEEN THERE! But, see, the hand did not smother all of the snirks and snorfles at your entirely amusing description of your fantastic festival of "OMFG WTF Did I do to myself now!?"

*gentle hugs and e-chickensoup of friendly warmth*

Oh, and, yes, like many others, my pens scurry into dark corners when they know I'm looking for them, too. I hear them tittering, dammit, and I'm not amused when they send out one of their depleted rejects to write half a word and then just make word-shaped dents in the paper. No. Not the funny.

Well... ummm... this is GOOD proof that your door is random-burgler resistant, right? Yeah.

Have some more soup.
annlarimer From: annlarimer Date: January 7th, 2009 04:31 pm (UTC) (linkage)
SOUP! Omnomnomnomnom.

It's a really good door.
ahli From: ahli Date: January 8th, 2009 01:25 am (UTC) (linkage)
OH NO! Why did you blahrf? That makes me so sad for you.
Flavogg heard 34 supplications or speak to the Mighty Flavogg