Tags: christmas

You've RUINED CHRISTMAS by cybertardis

the ann and john show, episode thursday

john: do you think angry birds is actually anti-martian police officer?

me: Um...the hell are you talking about? Oh, the green pigs?

john: yes

me: Ah.I think it merely seeks to express the eternal conflict between bird and pig in a miniature format. A microcosm of the greater macrocosm, as it were. Much in the same way Wacky Races depicted the neverending race of evolution, a race that can never be won, yet is mandatory for all life. Or the way that Yogi Bear depicts the societal stresses that occur when authority defends the privileged class against those who have little legal means of obtaining necessary resources.

john: I thought Yogi just really liked picnic baskets

me: John. John. You've got to look for the bigger picture.

john: :( this philosophy is too deep for a hamster

me: You're gonna need more college if you really want to learn how to lay on the bullshit, son. Consider Rudolph, and its depiction of 20th-Century American masculinity. Donner and cohorts are depicted as the elite, but when it comes down to it, do they really have agency? They compete for a place in harness!

john: maybe it's a bondage thing

me: All right. Rudolph as a sexual text, then. The male reindeer see themselves as wholesome family men. But their real purpose is to be lashed together, 'pulling the train' for Santa. Their deepest, most important bonds are with one another, not their mates. But if one suggested such a thing, they would be horrified -- even murderous.

john: !!

me: Think of them as a pro football team.

john: ohhh

me: All their work time spent in intimate contact. Their off time concerned with demonstrating their heteronormative masculinity. To the point where society covertly endorses their acts of violence, especially those against women. Their personal power is harnessed and therefore acceptable. Though none of the reindeer will ever be allowed an administrative role, and reindeer who actively demonstrate awareness or difference are shunned and scapegoated. Santa is always in charge, John.

john: the man in red

me: The man.

(no subject)

The thaw...the temperature hit 65 today, and that's what saved us.

Everyone listen: Slankets cannot tolerate the heat. It will destroy them.

If you own a slanket, put it in your oven, set to broil, or trick it into taking a hot bath.
You've RUINED CHRISTMAS by cybertardis

(no subject)

Spent Christmas Eve (virtually) with crantz online and on phone, and the rest of the world via text and email. He rang up to hear me open my present, which was a Tonner Supergirl doll and she is beautiful and you can't have her and she's like a Red Ryder BB Gun only better and OMG. Kept hanging up on him because I kept dropping the phone or squishing the disconnect button with my face. Also squealing.

Brother and fam did a driveby the office with a really amazing flan (those of us on paperweight duty ate it alllllllllllllllll up, along with, for some reason, snap peas), and a handknit hat that is the only knit hat I've ever owned that didn't immediately spring off my head like one of those jumping bug toys. It is a rather lovely shade of chocolate with powder blue stripeys.

Mary and Vali sent me a policeman officer puppet, who is of course named Puppet Nicholas. Diana sent caramels made by nuns. Nuns really, really like shrinkwrap. Who knew? They also make damn fine caramels.

Woke up with sugar and gleeshrieking hangover. Took all my willpower to escape the clutches of the Slanket. Slanket may turn out to be one of those bits of technology that suddenly everyone on the planet adopts, then the Doctor has to come save us all from being absorbed and enslaved. Mmm, Slanket.

Carnival of Souls is perhaps not the best choice for a Christmas movie. But boy, is it awesome on a stick.

Sang "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen" in the shower, in the style of Frank Sinatra.

What's that, Slanket? Return to your unholy embrace? But...but...it's suppertimOW! Yes, Slanket. Immediately, Slanket.